Chikita's inside happenings and randomness

2012 part 2

2012-01-27T11:04:00.000-08:00

I am pretty lost in mind right now. How can so much stuff just flow in my head like that geez. Well its been a few weeks now and things are well like usual. I still think I can do something, what? Don't know yet but at least I am in wanting to. That has to count right? Well aside the crazy ass things in my head i have been crocheting like a mad woman, my wrist is in a bit of pain. I wake up and crochet, I got to sleep and I crochet. hahahaha No more ugly yarn though so yeah I have stopped I just hope that I can sell them at the flea. Fingers crossed. I want to do some with nicer yarn though but yeah i need the money first hehe. I don't know what else i can do to keep me busy. BLAH. Staying home isn't as fun as you'd think when you are here so damn long it makes you go a little insane.....por dios.... ayudame de esta

2012

2012-01-06T15:23:00.000-08:00

Well let me see here its been a whole year since i last posted anything. 2011 was a crazy year i went through a lot of things and i did a lot of new things i always said i never would do and yet i did anyhow. Funny how life is isn't it? Well its 2012 and again starting the year a little rocky. I am trying not to get ahead of myself and to keep things under control. I started the year making a really really hard decision but in the end i think that was the best thing that i could do not only for myself but over all. Actually let me rephrase that i made 2 big decisions. I am in the process of making another big decision, im all for it but i have to wait a little bit more to actually come to terms with it. If this decision does come out well i am going to say that this will be an interesting year for the most of it. Im actually really excited about this. I hope i don't get cold feet and chicken out. Fingers crossed and hope for the best.

XOXO
to a new year 2012
D.

2011-01-05T17:01:00.000-08:00

There are no words to describe my emotions right now. Its so confusing, its overwhelming, I have begun this year with a positive attitude but OMG its hard to keep things in good perspective. Sometimes I feel like the darkness is coming over me like a shadow. I know that I shouldn't be listening to my heart right now, yup fuck you heart, you only get me in trouble and heartache! Seriously?! I don't like to go through the whole process of well ya tu sabes. I really thought that i had found it! No let me rephrase that, I know that i did find it. But life is so funny that it said fuck you, what you want is not there for you but elsewhere. Oh yeah and fuck you again kus what you want don't want you anymore! Shit....give me a break will you. From the first time i met them i was like "holy shit! u gotta be kidding me this dude listens to everything i do!! wow thats a first lol" Literally thats what went though my mind, then the next thing was "i wonder if he knows others that like this stuff too?" hahaha its a really nice memory, but then well getting to know each other more, i realized that i was going to fall for him, i knew i would, i even told him (without thinking it ) that i was scared of them. Yeah mistake 1. I should have been more cautious. I should have blah blah blah, to late now it has already happened. Lets jump back to the present kus thats where we live. Ummm yeah so shit happens now im back to being me. I will stand by my way of thinking kus in reality it seems thats all i know. So fuck it. Where are those guys that we all hear about? They don't exist. My hopes in men gets smaller and smaller, GUYS ARE FUCKING TARDS! seriously? grow a pair you pussies and just got for it balls out! Like always imma forget about all this shit and just worry bout my ass. Trust NO ONE! tell nothing. Seems i live by those words. Live and fucking forget your ass ever came into my life.

2011-01-02T13:19:00.001-08:00

You make my heart smile, you make me smile, i have butterflies in my tummy, i feel like a love struck teenager :-P

2011-01-01T22:15:00.001-08:00

Today is the beginning of a new year, things will go down differently, i will battle this year out. Hopefully do daily post of the day or weekly summaries. :-D

2010-12-27T13:33:00.001-08:00

I feel the darkness come over me dont let it take me help me get out dont let it consume me!!! H E L P M E!!

2010-12-27T00:17:00.001-08:00

Sometimes i wish i was emotionally dead so i could not feel the pain, the love, or be afraid. Kus every time i feel i messed up i can feel my heart breaking

2010-12-26T10:46:00.001-08:00

(Last week)There is only one more week left from 2010 its coming to a close. I am anxious for the new year to start, ready for change once again. Ready to start this journey once more and make it the best as i possibly can. Bring it 2011!!!

cold day

2010-12-19T18:31:00.000-08:00

Today i woke up feeling pretty sick. No tenia animos de hacer nada de nada, i felt tired and sleepy. Pero me leventate, i put my robe on and i sat on the couch. I doze off many times kus i was just plain ass tired, its been cold and lonenly lol. Con ganas de ke tener un hombre a mi lado abrazandome and keeping me company. Hahaha yeah that would have been nice. So anyways aqui ando and my head hurts im still cold but what keeps me on is music. I love music, siempre me hacer sentir bien, me calma. Ultimamente eh estado pensando mucho and i mean a whole whole lot there is just so many things im missing out and i am tired of them passing me by. I know this are the last weeks of December 2010! Believe me im thinking ahead, i plan to be a stronger girl, tougher, i will accomplish things. Im gonna start a list and i will do it. No se como pero thats my goal for 2011.

Too sweet for my tooth

2010-12-17T14:54:00.000-08:00

Im tired of everyone sugar coating things, I am not a kid anymore you can be straight up with me. Say things like you mean them not cover them up to make them seem like they are ok. Always being the one who gets the sour punch, to late to see it coming, im tired of all the fake shit, tired of you trying to be someone your not. Be true to yourself and just say it. They truth may not always taste good but its better that being know as a liar. Dont say you are going to do something when you don't mean it or you know your not going to freaking do it. Si no lo vas hacer no digas nada. Total es mejor una sorpresa que una decilusion.

December, December

2010-12-16T21:39:00.000-08:00

Al fin a llegado el esperado mes, pronto comiensaremos un año nuevo y todo empiesa uno nuevo.
Segun yo este año iba a ser diferente y pues si lo fue y ahora ke termina me siento un poco confundida. En la vida pasan cosas inespertadas y lo ke me toco lo no espere pero lo acepte con brazos abiertos. Pero ahora no se si ise bien. No kiero decir ke me arepiento pero no se ke hacer nunca me eh sentido asi y creo ke el miedo me esta ganando. Quien dijiera ke estubiera en esta situacion :-/

2010-11-08T21:46:00.001-08:00

I feel like the floor is moving, looking up at the falling sky, my stomach is in knots and i have no idea why. Floating in this sea of emptiness i see the shimmering lights. The breeze blows past my cheeks as i sink into the abyss.

2010-03-12T08:16:00.001-08:00

My mind fills up with many thoughts i try not 2 think of the future but there is so much i want 2 do. I need 2 focus on me right now

2010-01-23T09:17:00.001-08:00

I have been avoiding a lot of people, i dont know exactly why but i jus feel like bein alone and not talkin to anyone. Sounds pretty messed up right?

2010-01-07T14:35:00.001-08:00

Havent given much thought about what i am goin 2 do but i know that there will be something that will be done, as soon as i know ill post it

Resolutions

2010-01-03T12:48:00.000-08:00

So the year has begun and I have yet to think of any resolutions. I know that I want to have one or maybe two but I don't know what they will be yet. I do need to get on this a quick. For my last years resolution, I said that I was going to be positive to anything that crossed my path that I would allow myself to experience something that I on the other hand would have said no to. (I was inspired by the movie Yes man) So that was my resolution and I guess it went ok, I think I could have done a better job with it but hey who knows. Maybe I will try to incorporate that into this years resolution. I truly want this year to be different, special, unforgettable, etc. haha sounds kind of corny but its true. I have years that start out good and the second half its shit. For once I would like to go through a whole year without having it to be so shitty. Lets see how this will turn out.

2010-01-01T15:11:00.001-08:00

A new year begins and i hope 2 accomplish sum stuff this year

Excited

2008-11-14T08:07:00.002-08:00

I am so excited for a couple of reasons lol.

First off kus of the As Blood Runs Black concert this Sunday! So excited about that, though i am a lil upset that i could have a ticket in advance, i really hope that they aren't sold out kus i'll be pissed off for sure.

Second i start school next week! Yay so cool and exciting i all ready payed the first quarter so i know this is going to be a done deal hehe.

Third but certainly not last Twilight movie premier!!!! OMG i am dying to freaking see the damn movie, lol its so amazing to have it come to life hehehe i am mostly excited about that you know but of course im excited bout the other stuff too.

LOL i dyed my hair couple days back too.....black.....yeah its something i had never done before but you know what its ok i kinda like it hahaha of course i'll be dying it another color once i get tired of it or it starts to fade, lol but maybe by then i'll have sum money to do sumthing totally awesome. In the mean time it looks different, new hehe a lil weird but all in all COOL. I have several things in mind that i want to do for the coming year. Of course if all goes well. Kus crazy shit seems to always happen to me. So far the year is coming to end pretty quick but on a good note (lol we are still in November) but you get where i am heading with it right?

Well like i said I AM EXCITED about all this things that are coming up. Could it be better? YOU BET! lol but i can only wish hehehe.

Chevelle Concert

2007-10-22T09:30:00.000-07:00

So the concert was on Friday the 19th right and well i had been looking forward to going. I could wait to freaking go, and like usual i go alone (es mi dicha jajaja) so anyways i thought i would go there early kus there were only 3 bands playing so might as well make it $30 worth right. So the first 2 bands played, they were ok then Chevelle was up next and god damn did people get crazy. I made my way towards the center front area, trying to get a good view (i had too my height is a downside to concerts) i kinda did minus the big dude standing in front of me i could get a pretty good view. Well anyways a few minutes till they played people started pushing and shit the usual concert scene right. Well whatever i didn't mind it was all right. But then everyone started to get rilled up and really pushing and shooving, bad enough that you could literally fall over if you didn't step correctly to balance yourself out. So from where i was a mosh pit started (and since there were mostly guys there things got pretty intense pretty quick) i got pushed back and back and back till i was pretty much out where people just stand to watch (safe zone) lol well there was a rail there and i held on to it kus i didn't want to any further out so i stayed (fuck that, i wasn't going to try to get back up there it was dangerous lol) So guys were moshing like crazy (still) and somehow i lost balance and stumbled in there for a sec (if it weren't for sum guy who was behind me i would have fallen and who knows what would have happened. Guys are so inconsiderate, there were a few girls there that fell in the pit too (they got pushed in) and guys would just mosh against them, geez could they be more careful? Guess not most of the guys moshing looked like big dumb ass brutes. Then you had guys who looked out for those poor souls that made there way there unwillingly (that's dude for the hand really helped a lot). So it wasn't all that bad. lol there was a point where 2 guys fell in front of me one landed in front of me and the other behind me, then i had a big guy in front of me that moved so damn much i had to keep my eyes on his arm kus i had a feeling he was going to hit me, and he almost did i felt his arm/elbow brush against my cheek, which i moved back too fast and ended up hitting the guy behind me (so sorry bout that). So besides that the concert was good, i just wish i could have enjoyed it more, like i have with other concerts. (sighs) well maybe next time. oh yeah i think 30 dollars for that concert was over priced, that's just my opinion. and after that i just had to go get a couple of drinks....so i did and that was my night (i think that was worst i've smelled before after a concert.....even the day after i could smell cig smoke, ewww)

Breaking Benjamin Concert

2007-07-03T09:40:00.000-07:00

So i saw breaking benjamin yesterday nite and oh man was it awesome, the concert started at 6 or 7 i think but i got there like around 8, i got to see Papa Roach beforehand though so that was cool. I missed out on Sick Puppies and The Red. Oh well that sucks but i did see the main guys so its all good. I had fun like always though i did mind that i was behind sum shirtless kid that was all fucking sweaty! EWWWWW as much as i tried not to get too close to him it was unstoppable there was so many people crowding around and shit it was nasty having someone elses sweat on you! Plus lets not forget those people who did not take a shower talk about nasty. JAJAJAJA bueno aside all that stuff i didn't give a fuck i just wanted to fucking have a great time which i did so its all good. Next concert thats coming up is Chevelle OMFG i cannot wait for that one its going to be bad ass!!! Well thats in October so there is a long wait. Its all good though. Its all good!

como es la vida

2007-06-14T10:40:00.002-07:00

Como es la vida, nunca se sabe que es lo que va a pasar. Yo aun no encuentro mi lugar pero eh aprendido a aceptar las cosas, ya que todo pasa por alguna razon que nosotros talvez nunca comprendemos. Yo se que soy una chava buena honda y lo que sea. Pero lo unico que quiero es que alguien me ame tal como yo a el. No es tan difil pero como por tal razon no eh encontrado eso. Mi gran temor es de enamorame de alguien y que ellos no de mi. Yo tengo mucho que dar pero la oportunidad no se a presentado. Yo se que soy capas de dar mucho y talvez mas, solo necesito una oportunidad, una oportunidad de mostrar lo que tengo en mi..... Ya estoy cansada de pasar por la misma situacion, cuando sera el dia que me encuntre en el camino a ese hombre que me ame como me meresco ser amada. Cuando se dara ese dia. Ya no quiero tratar con niños que apenas saben que es lo que ellos quieren. Yo necesito un hombre que ya sepa que es lo que busca y que ya tenga el camino de su vida planeada o al menos tener una idea en donde el quiere estar. NO MAS MOCOSOS! I am done!! Mi vida nunca sera normal, nunca y eso es la verdad. Si yo pudiera tener mi vida como yo quisiera seria de otra forma, viviria a lo maximo jaja pero no es asi. Mi vida es lo que es porque no tengo de otra, y por el momento ago lo que puedo para que no sea tan tan aburrida pero temo decir que en eso eh fracasado. En este lugar me siento como una prisionera que no tiene a donde ir ni a quien ver. Todo puediera ser distinto si no estuvieramos aqui pero bueno las cosas tienen que ser de esta manera por el momento. Ya vendra en dia que no por fin sea libre LIBERTAD eso es lo que mas deseo. Por que aunque me digan que soy libre NO lo soy. Un dia......un dia llegara.

The Fool

2007-06-13T09:17:00.000-07:00

How could i have believed all those lies?
How could i have trusted that look in your eyes?
How could i?
How?

I must have been blinded with a red velvet cloth
to no be able to see all that you truly were
your words so distant with no feeling in them
your touch so cold and frail
the look in you eyes so dark and deep
your heart as hard and cold as the words you spoke.

A fool i was to think you were real
Saying beautiful things in my ear
wrapped up in the things i wanted to hear
saw what i feared was not real.
Standing still with nothing else to say
Repeating How could i, how could i?
How?...

*this one is new just thought it up this morning

Jealousy

2007-06-13T09:13:00.000-07:00

My heart burst with jealousy
to know that another girl exists
you interest in her is so big
that it makes what we had insignificant
in my mind i wish the bitch was gone
or maybe just give her a piece of my mind
how can i not be mad at someone who took you way from me?
she is taking the best thing i have
and what do i have to show for it
this hear bursting with jealousy.

*another old piece i did WAY long ago

Shit

2007-06-13T09:07:00.000-07:00

I can't stand the way you are
many things that you do wrong
so many times that i get upset
there is no say of what you are going to come up next.
Your style is so ordinary
anyone can guess what you are going to do
no sense in direction
no taste what so ever
all you are is a piece of shit
waiting to get stepped on.

* this one i wrote a long time ago too- and it still seems like it needs more

shy sweet girl

2007-06-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

Shy sweet girl
the one who sits in the corner
keeps everything to herself
never bothered by anyone
rarely speaks out
no one remembers she is there
inside her head
confusion
lost in a swarm of thoughts
doesn't know who she is

years go by and this shy sweet girl
is still the same
or is she?
from far she is but deep inside she is not
she is now a fan of punk and rock
no longer listening to pop
she is a punk a bit crazy
with the image of a regular person but still sweet as usual

she has found what she likes
but is still lost when it come to life...

*i wrote this a long long time ago

The awakening

2007-05-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

In dark shadows and hidden places lie feelings in a dormitory state. Unaware and unknown that that's where they lay. The time has come, i feel them stirring up a storm awaiting for their release from the place they are concealed. I can feel each one awaken to a feeling i have never before felt. Its presence gives life to them, as they all awaken they are released, i can feel them make their way through my body like bugs crawling through my skin. I was scared to have this happen, but its not as bad as you think. Who would have know that this is how it feels to fall in love.

*note: i just came up with this, me nacio jaja it wasn't what i was going for but its ok

2007-01-08T13:59:00.000-08:00

i hand't really thought about doing this till earlier, it was something i did, not very often but i did it and its been a long time since i haven't so i decided to start a new one. you know new year so why not, i do look back at my old one and think that the fuck was i thinking haha but you know what that was what i was going through at that time and its all things that i felt so yeah it did me good to let them out. i guess we'll see how this turns out. bring on the year...

---d.