Memories

Reading back through some of the post of made I see that I am still that scared little girl. I have not evolved much from that state of being. The situations may have changed but the pain and hurt I have is one I have been struggling for the longest time now.

There is no way to cure this. Each and every day is different, I try not to focus on those thoughts to not head towards the dark place. It is my demon. One that will haunt me for the rest of my days. I get choked up just trying to think of it. I know I don't have to solution. I know that its a fight I have to deal with every single day. I do my best. I somehow survive it till the next episode comes along.

I hope that some day I can get more help with this kind of struggle. Professional help that is.....

Aside that struggle, I have come a long way from wanting to be where I want to be. I have worked hard and now I am moving up to something more in the field that I am more comfortable in. That makes me happy. I have to stop myself from thinking of the future and stay in the present. I've learned that trying to get ahead of myself is never a good thing and I let myself down. It is better that I live day by day and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow and not today. As much as I would love to live in the future I can not. I don't know what the future will hold for me. I can not expect it to be a certain way, I have to just wait till I get there. :) As long as it is not in a dark place I should be good.