I don't know if doing this will help me or what but its worth a try. I've been isolated once again and something that I have learned in the past is that typing it out helps get it out of me. Specially when there isn't someone to talk to. So yeah, I am feeling pretty lonely right now. Funny thing is that when I am when someone I don't talk much. I don't know what the reason for that is. Sometimes I even wonder if the other person gets bored of me. I like the silence. It is something that I know very well and I am very used to it. Of course not everyone is a fan of that. They may feel that it is a bad sign lol not me, unless I know you are a talker and you are silent. Then yes I would see that as a bad sign.

Ahhh I am rambling....In a few more weeks I will start my training for a new job. I am quite excited about that. I see it as an opportunity for  me to grow. I am looking into getting my own place. I am in need of my own space, privacy, some sanity and some silence. This will be a big step for me to take. On my own....I am quite excited for that too.

A new chapter to my life will soon begin. A new journey. What will await for me?

Memories

Reading back through some of the post of made I see that I am still that scared little girl. I have not evolved much from that state of being. The situations may have changed but the pain and hurt I have is one I have been struggling for the longest time now.

There is no way to cure this. Each and every day is different, I try not to focus on those thoughts to not head towards the dark place. It is my demon. One that will haunt me for the rest of my days. I get choked up just trying to think of it. I know I don't have to solution. I know that its a fight I have to deal with every single day. I do my best. I somehow survive it till the next episode comes along.

I hope that some day I can get more help with this kind of struggle. Professional help that is.....

Aside that struggle, I have come a long way from wanting to be where I want to be. I have worked hard and now I am moving up to something more in the field that I am more comfortable in. That makes me happy. I have to stop myself from thinking of the future and stay in the present. I've learned that trying to get ahead of myself is never a good thing and I let myself down. It is better that I live day by day and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow and not today. As much as I would love to live in the future I can not. I don't know what the future will hold for me. I can not expect it to be a certain way, I have to just wait till I get there. :) As long as it is not in a dark place I should be good.